My Bad Wrong Adventures
by Quaxo
Summary: Unrelated ficlets for the badwrongscrubs fanfic challenge. Various pairings, slash, het, femmeslash, you name it. Heavily featuring Perry and Jordan, but not as a couple. Several hints of JD/Cox.
1. Alpha Dog

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Alpha  
Bob Kelso/Perry Cox

Prompt: Top Dog

* * *

You remember him as an intern. Interns are like puppies: awkward, funny looking, and prone to making messes on the new carpet. They cower in fear at the slightest hint of thunder. They look to you for guidance, acceptance and love; even when you scream at them and swat at them with the newspaper.

He was different from the other interns though. It was his unwillingness to cower that attracted you in the first place.

That crazy staff Christmas Eve party his first year here resulted in the two of you getting in a passionate mess in the office they assigned you as Residency Director.

It's wrong, it's so terribly wrong. He's male (but that didn't matter back in the war, and Harrison had to get it from somewhere), he's your intern (but the kid's bright enough that as long as he doesn't seriously fuck up in the next six months he's shoe in for a residency), and you're both really really drunk off that cheap vodka he brought.

Enid's kicked you out though, after catching you with one of your call girls in Spread Eagle position (again). He was yelling at someone on the payphone earlier tonight so he's probably also been evicted from wherever he's staying.

You're impressed the next day when he acts like nothing happened, most people can't do that. Most interns are either tripping over their own paws in lust or looking for a way to manipulate the situation in their favor.

It doesn't make him more pliable, you find as the incidents continue on into his residency. You thought about molding him into your pet after the first incident (Where did he learn that thing with his tongue?). He's the perfect acolyte: Young, strong, handsome, and the brightest of the sane residents.

Except he doesn't heel to anyone... he will go along, but behind those killer blue eyes you can see he's thinking of how he would do it better.

He's also made higher allies: Benson's has made him his protege (who can top the Chief of Medicine?) and he's also taken up with the Sullivan girl on the board of trustees (You wish the kid luck with that iron fisted bitch).

Still, it doesn't occur to you to worry until your first day as Chief of Medicine, coincidentally his first day as an attending. He's asking for permission to get a patient with no insurance a TIPS procedure. Is this the manipulation you've been waiting for? He doesn't seem like the type, even now, but you need to lay down the law.

"Dr. Cox, you're no longer a resident here. Surely by now you've learned that we treat the patient as much as we're able, and as much as their insurance allows."

"But this procedure could--"

"No insurance. No surgery."

You walk away triumphant, or so you think. In the end, even the surgery would have been too late as the patient dies shortly afterwards. Then he does some digging and discovers you saw that patient twice the year before, when TIPS was still an option. He also knows that Benson always was a sucker for hard luck cases.

And suddenly you have one very angry lone wolf gnawing at your heels.

Fortunately, he falls on his own sword time and again as he chases off those might help him with his own. He even manages to run off Miss Sullivan. You try not to be impressed at the feat.

The he takes her back when she pops out his kid, and you know you're in for a world trouble. Between her power, and that whiny resident that's always trailing him behind and pushing him, he's made Residency Director and your second in command.

Recently the rivalry has mellowed though... maybe it's because he's gotten older, or he has kids, or even that one annoying little hippie tagalong of his finally got through to him; but the barbs have no venom to them any more. You find you don't resent the idea of him taking your place as alpha dog in the hospital as much you used to.

Maybe someday soon you can ask him where he learned that thing with his tongue... and what other tricks he learned.


	2. Compulsion

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Compulsion  
Pairing: Kevin Casey/Perry Cox  
Prompt: Can't Stop

* * *

You watch the steady pulse of his juglar vein as he watches the television. It's a soap opera, and you could probably write a whole paper on why that doesn't make sense.

Nothing about him ever makes sense. He's chaos in action. He's everything that makes your skin crawl and itch to flick the light switches.

You're not aroused by him, you're not you're not you're not.

He's attractive, you know in a pure aesthtical way. Not because you're attracted to him. He's even quite funny, in his own way you think (not because you're attracted to him). He's quite brilliant, not as brilliant as you, but then again he doesn't have the advantage of being compulsed to study the chart six times (not because you're attracted to him).

Maybe you're just jealous. He is what you could be: normal. He's not normal though, he's just a different kind of dysfunctional that isn't apparent on the outside (not because you're attracted to him).

You like that brokeness that he hides (not because you're attracted to him). You can remember when he was pestering you to help him with metabolic disorders, and you'd agreed (not because you're attracted to him) because what else were you going to do on a Friday night but read your textbooks?

Ever since the OCD started showing, people have been sympathetic and quietly patient as you go through your routines. You can tell they feel guilty for being impatient with you as your routine stretches into hours.

He wasn't though, that night, as he sits beside you on the couch. You cursed that you'd only bought the couch, figuring you wouldn't be doing enough entertaining to justify a chair too. Sitting on the couch together, almost touching, the smell of soap and clean warm body tickling your nose (not because you're attracted to him).

Part of you wondered, hysterically, how he can possibly be studying, as you sit next to each other. You could barely keep your mind focussed on the text as you tap the corners of the page repeatedly: top right, bottom left, top right, bottom right, top left, bottom right-- shit start again, top right, bottom left (not because you're attracted to him).

"Dammit!" He yanks the book away from your reach and you feel it's loss and begin to panic. "You have definitely got to stop the tapping or you're going to drive me insane!"

It was the first time since you've been diagnosed that someone's forced you to stop. You felt a sudden wave of calm rush over you and it was like the best high you ever had when smoking pot. The ritual is interrupted and for once you didn't care. The world wouldn't end, you knew, if you didn't tap that page one more time.

You watched as rusty flush crawled up his neck as he realizes what an insensitive thing he's said. You couldn't find the words to tell him that it didn't matter. Mostly because you were watching those capillaries fill with blood. You wanted to make those capillaries fill more often (Because you **are** attracted to him).

That is the whole crux of the problem, you think as you watch him take a drink of his soda. You watch his adam's apple bob as the fluid makes it's way down (not because you're attracted to him).

He can stop your rituals and not make you crazy. But you're not gay and neither is he; even if he were, you would be submitting to a whole different type of compulsion.

He's not stable, not like your routines. To follow him is to run headlong into madness.

You quit your residency twenty-one times the next day (not because you're attracted to him).


	3. Everyone Needs

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Everyone Needs...  
Pairing: Jordan Sullivan/Nurse Tisdale  
Prompt: Hobby

* * *

Perry's going to be so jealous when he finds out what she's done. In fact, most of the male staff is going to be jealous when they find out what's she's going to do.

It's not like she had a lot of other options here. Having slept through most of the attractive male staff (even if they were only marginally so), she was running out of willing partners. Not to mention getting involved with Perry again has really scared off all of her regular standbys.

She was getting bored with them anyway. She was bored with men in general (except for Perry, because Perry was always up for a game of mind fucking). She hadn't explored the "other" side since college... and it's not technically cheating either.

And Tisdale, Tisdale will be a great starter notch in her new belt. She's seen how all the men in this hospital drool after her. They don't seem to understand why Tisdale never responds to their attempts at getting a date or a kiss or a fuck...

Lipstick lesbian is her favorite flavor.

"Why do you do this? Are you trying to sleep with the whole staff of Sacred Heart," Tisdale asks, before pulling off her top.

"Everyone needs a hobby, sugar tits," you smirk, before crushing your lips against hers.


	4. Grieving

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Grieving  
Pairing: Dan Dorian/Perry Cox  
Prompt: Bubbles

* * *

A family that grieves together stays together, no that's not it...

You blow the bubbles off the lip of the can and take another swallow of luke warm beer.

Stupid pieces of chinese made shit. Stupid moped. Stupid Johnny and his stupid hair.

But how was Johnny to know that his prized Hairmet shattered like glass on impact with cold hard cement.

Stupid rain making Johnny slide through that intersection right into that stupid fucking Hummer.

A groan comes from the floor, and you remember that Coxer's here too.

Funny that you both have the same coping strategy when it comes to death: Drink until you can't feel, and then drink some more to be sure.

Coxer refused the practicality of the bathtub (after all, getting shit faced for days on end meant a high probability of pissing yourself so why not cut out the middle man-- and damn you sound so smart, but not as smart as Johnny, stupid).

He slowly pushes himself up to sit in front of you, and your eyes meet. You were scared of Johnny becoming him, a cold sarcastic robot. Only now you see that it wasn't entirely true.

He loved Johnny... and you can't help but love him for that. You're happy someone was able to be that father figure Johnny always wanted...

Then you find out how, exactly, Coxer's coping strategy differ from yours as he pulls you out of the bathtub and slides his fuzzy tongue against yours and it is bliss.

You think you might be converted to this new style..


	5. Deja Vu

* * *

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Deja Vu  
Pairing: Revealed at end, because otherwise it ruins the impact! But they're overage in your state.

* * *

She follows you around and you'd almost feel sorry for her if it weren't for the fact that it drove you absolutely up the fucking wall.

You should have been gratified by her attention. It's not like you're very popular (which Dad says is okay, but everyone knows it's not). She's pretty too, on the cheerleading squad and the soccer team.

Your popularity went up a bit when you started dating her. After all, if Little Miss All American thinks he's worthy, there must be something there in you. Suddenly you're not odd you're just eccentric, or quirky, or an individual.

But she just won't leave you alone. She always wants to be with you, to touch you, to declare her love forever and ever. If there's one thing you've learned from your dad, though, it's to be independent.

You just hadn't quite worked out how to say "no" to her, until recently. Unfortunately, that moment of clarity came just shortly after she gave her virginity to you. You couldn't let the moment pass though, because who knew when you were going to get the opportunity and the guts again?

She hadn't been in school today, which was not a good sign. She had perfect attendance, always had since they'd been in elementary school. You knew she wouldn't take this well, but dammit, this was high school, and high school relationships didn't last forever. Surely she wasn't that naive.

You're going to hear about it from Dad when you get home. He really liked her. Well, maybe not just her.

You're not prepared when you spot her dad standing out in the parking lot when school gets out. The look he sends you makes your blood freeze. You should have expected this... she's his little princess afterall.

You go over to him, because if you don't, he'll follow you until you're someplace that has no witnesses and then attack. He may be old, but he's still a tough bastard. His arms are huge...

"What did you do, Sam," He growls. He even uses your real name, instead of 'Suzie's daughter' like he does when he's just teasing.

"Nothing worse than what you do to Dad," you snap out. That could get you killed you know, but it's true. Dad's crazy over Uncle Perry even if he won't admit it. You can't stand Jennifer for the same reasons Uncle Perry can't stand Dad.

"But at least I broke it off with her, instead of leading her along for years and years..." you think, before Uncle Perry cold cocks you.

* * *

Yup! Teenage Jennifer Dylan Cox/Teenage Sammy Gilligan Perry Dorian


	6. Gotcha!

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Gotcha!  
Pairing: Chirs Turk/Perry Cox  
Prompt: Stress Relief  
Rating: R for language

* * *

_Almost there, almost there... c'mon... think about her breasts... small, perky, I bet she's got peach nipples...did the door just open? no... that blonde hair, those big red lips parted wide... c'mon c'mon... is someone else in here? NO... B.A.N.A.N.A.S... shit not those creepy asian girls, no nono, out of my head, shit this is taking FOREVER... focus, focus..._

"You oughta put up a warning if you're going to do... that!"

_Aaaaannnd moment lost. Shit. Okay, so now you've got to act cool, because otherwise you're going to be forced to kill this imbecile and Jordan'll never come to the jail to visit you, the bitch._

"Gandhi." _That's right, cold as ice. Because what you were attempting before he barged the fuck in without even bothering to knock was completely natural._

Snickers fill the room.

"You actually do that, still?"

"Just because you're so pent up about your sexuality; and let me tell you that everyone knows and this is a fairly tolerant workplace so you and Jessica can come out of the damn closet already because nobody CARES, doesn't mean others have the same unhealthy restrictions on their natural bodily functions." _That's right, he's the one with the problem..._

"Hey, I'm not the one jerking off in the bathroom. You're the one with the issue," He snorts as he heads to the door.

_Shit! He's actually matured, it's a fucking miracle, shit shit shit... Grab him, only one of you is going to leave here alive..._

"Just what are you planning to do once you go out this door?"

"I think I'm owed some payback for first year, don't you?"

"I don't think so," _Nice pin! Oh, what have we here... my my my, you're in trouble now, Gandhi. Perfect._ "But see, you're going to have to lie if you go out there."

"Why is that?"

_Nice play at defiant, but I see through you. I thought I heard that door open earlier... you're mine now. Slide past that drawstring and there it is... hmm, pretty decent size there, no wonder Lucille's so attached_

"You see, I'm not going to be the only one jerking off in here..."


	7. Dangerous Liason

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Dangerous Liason  
Pairing: Jordan/SEKRIT!  
Rating: PG-13 for death  
Prompt: CRAZY!

* * *

Dr. Cox is an inconsolable mess, and JD doesn't blame him. What happened to her wasn't... pretty.

("Dear God he shredded her... took out her implants even. He said he was restoring her.")

They were fighting again, and everyone had been forced in the front row to watch, for some it was the second time of watching this particular play, and it was still as unpleasant as the first.

Maybe she was feeling old, or ugly, or something, but she was obviously needy for validation beyond her role as mother and ex-wife.

JD never understood how Dr. Cox could sit and watch her sleep around the hospital, but he did. He didn't like it, he physically threatened most of her partners into making it a one night stand, but he let her do it.

Then again, you could never tell Jordan to do anything. They all tried though.

Because the last guy was one that Dr. Cox had put his foot down on. Jordan had laughed in his face and called him jealous. JD, Elliot, and Carla all tried to tell her how dangerous this guy was.

("What kind of person stabs a woman forty times, besides Lizzie Borden?")

"I'm a big girl DJ, I can take care of myself," she'd said, with a wicked smirk.

Only she couldn't, because she went home with him even though everyone told her:

Hooch is crazy.


	8. Apology

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Apology  
Pairing: Franklin/Cox  
Rating: R/NC-17 for some not quite consented to activities.

* * *

"Sorry doesn't cut it. This is the fifth time you've destroyed my lab. Kelso said to tell you that you're fired the next time you destroy my lab." Franklin smirks as the older doctor's jaw drops.

"Now, Franklin, let's not get too hasty here. Why don't you be a good little twerp, accept my apology, and let's all pretend this never happened."

"I told you, "sorry" isn't enough, not anymore. Not even your wife can save your job now. Unless..."

"What do you want?" The words are growled, but Franklin can hear the fear behind them.

"On your knees."

"WHAT!? Oh, hell no..."

"If you want your job, get on your knees."

His icy glare tries to pierce you, but he's already lost once he's on his knees. Franklin's already hard at the thought of this moment, his fingers fumbling as he undoes his fly and pulls himself out.

"Now suck."

"I-- It's so big, I've never done--"

"Just wrap your lips around it, that's it -- now, nngh, use a little bit of your tongue... that's it. Good... now take it all, suck it all down like a popsicle. You like this don't you--"

* * *

"If you're not going to pay attention, Franklin, then I'm going to stop apologizing. Now, I'm sorry I broke your beakers, and your test tubes, and your computer..."


	9. Cursed

Hi! Thought I'd post these here. About a year ago there was a badwrongscrubs ficathon over on LJ. The goal was, you've probably guessed, to write the baddest wrongest scrubs fics and pairings out there. It is a challenge I jumped into with glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Title: Cursed  
Pairing: Teenage Jack Cox/Teenage Sam Dorian, hinted Perry/JD  
Prompt: Living Through Your Children  
Rating: PG-13 for mature subject matter and swearing

* * *

_Why did I tell him? Stupid stupid stupid..._ Tears burned his eyes as he wiped them away again. He wished they'd stop, he wished everything would just stop. He wished he had a time machine and could go back in time and make everything about today unhappen. And if that wasn't possible, make himself unhappen.

He's going to have to go to school tomorrow, and by then everyone will know and he's going to get beat up more now than he already does.

_Way to go, Sam, you scared off the one jock who thought you weren't a punching bag... I hate you. What did you think he was going to do, you idiot? Pull you into a kiss and declare that he was too scared to tell you that he loved you too? What were you thinking? Now you're going to have to go back to that hell hole and maybe it would be better if you just died..._

* * *

When Sam wakes up he knows he's at Sacred Heart, not only because the place has practically been a third home to him, but because this is where he'd expect Dad to take him. Dad would only trust one doctor to work on him...

"So, why'd you decide to swallow that whole bottle of aspirin there, Skipper? Real bad headache?"

Sam flinches at the sound of Uncle Perry's voice. He's been terrified of Uncle Perry when he was younger, because he was big, and loud, and more than a little menacing at times. That fear hasn't quite faded away as he'd grown up.

A sharp whistle blasts through the room, and Uncle Perry is leaning over the bed, his eyes piercing. They're the same color as Jack's; he used to think that Jack's were incapable of being so cold, but now he knows he's wrong.

"You scared the crap out of your parents. Do it again and I will hunt you down, use all my medical expertise to revive you, and then make you wish you were dead, are we clear?"

_Jack must have learned that from his dad too..._, He manages not to shiver, pushes down the tears, before nodding. With a grunt Uncle Perry storms out of the room, probably to terrorize some interns.

"You scared me, Sammy," his dad says from the door. Sam flinches again as he sees the hurt he put into his father's eyes.

"'m sorry..." Is all Sam can think to say, as he studies the blanket on his lap.

He feels the bed dip as his dad sits on the bed, and the tears spill as a warm hand rests on his leg. _I'm so stupid, it's not fair..._ Tears progress into sobs as he feels his father's arms wrap around him, mindful of the wires.

"Dr. Cox told me what happened earlier today," his dad says after the worst of the crying has stopped. "I'm sorry that happened,"

"He hates me..." he sniffs, clinging to his dad's shoulder.

"He doesn't hate you... I think you just surprised him, that's all. Coxes don't do well with surprises, take it from me. This one time, we through a surprise party for your Uncle Perry, and he decked Uncle Turk before the lights even came up..."

"Dad... I was there," but he finds it hard not to chuckle at the memory anyway. Uncle Turk still teasingly calls Uncle Perry a "racist", even though it just happened that Uncle Turk was the only one in firing range.

"Oh... well, Uncle Perry talked to Jack, and made him swear not to tell anyone about what happened. So you don't have to worry about school..."

Sam's a bit surprised that Uncle Perry would do that for him.

"I still have to see him though..." _It's going to be hell, he never wants to speak to me again... but I still have to see him every day until May, and at picnics and parties..._

"I know it hurts right now, but eventually you'll find someone new to fall in love with, and they'll love you back and everything will be wonderful."

"And what if I don't? What if it's only ever going to be him?"

"Well, hopefully, someday he'll realize that he loves you too."

Sam notices that his dad is staring at Uncle Perry as he says that, and wonders if all Dorians are cursed when it comes to love.


End file.
